Siri-us
by ElusiveSanity
Summary: One-shot. Cameron vs. Siri. No plot, doesn't even fit into any known TSCC timeline. Characterization is based on my series, but is not related. Just some bored Jameron. Don't judge me from this writing ;)


**This one-shot has nothing to do with my series. In fact, it makes very little sense and there's absolutely no plot, which pretty much makes it total crap. But I was bored and playing with my new iPhone 5. This is the result. **

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"Siri, what's the weather like today?"

Sarah stared at her son lounging on the couch across the living room, her own "fancy" new flip phone with big large buttons in her hand. "You know, you could just get off your butt and look out the window," she said.

_"You'll need an umbrella today, John" _his phone replied back to him.

John grinned at his mother. "But that would require effort, and why would I want to do that if I have this?" He shook his new iPhone in the air. "If this thing could make me lunch, I'd ask it to."

"You already have one machine doing that for you," Sarah muttered. "I don't know why you would need another one."

John raised an eyebrow. "Because this one actually listens to me and does everything I say. The one in the kitchen right now only does what I ask it to half of the time. The other half of the time she activates the female programming on me and blows me off. For example..." He took a deep breath and shouted towards the kitchen. "Hey Cameron!"

A slightly annoyed looking cyborg appeared in the doorway. She stared silently at him in question.

John smiled brightly at her. "I have an idea... it'd be awesome if you called me "Oh Great One" from now on... you know, prepare for being this great heroic leader of mankind and all... What do ya think?"

Cameron turned her gazed to his mother as if asking her if he was being serious. Sarah simply shook her head, realizing her son had completely lost his mind.

"Well?" John pushed hopefully.

Figuring silence would be answer enough, Cameron turned and walked back into the kitchen.

"See?" John said, pointing towards the now empty kitchen doorway. "Totally blows me off. Siri at least always gives me an answer." He cleared his throat and spoke into the phone. "Siri, call me 'Oh Great One'..."

The purple microphone button registered his voice and thought for a second_. "Okay, from now on, I will call you 'Oh Great One'. It has a nice ring to it."_

He fist pumped the air in exaggerated victory. "Siri, you're so awesome."

The phone dutifully responded back to him in its female voice. _"I aspire not to greatness, but to usefulness."_

Sarah rolled her eyes and went back to programming phone numbers into her own phone. "You're an idiot. That's just what we need. Another smart-ass machine around here."

The other machine chose that moment to walk back in the room, her displeasure clearly written on her face. "It's not smart. It's not even a real AI." She literally dropped a plate with a sandwich down on the coffee table with a loud clang. "Here's your lunch, _Oh Great One_."

John smirked and poked her in the side with his toe as she sat down on the opposite end of the couch. "Oh come on... you sound jealous! She has the entire internet at her disposal, of course she's smart! For example... do you know the outcome of the Dallas Cowboys game yesterday?"

"I wasn't aware that was vital information. You know I don't watch football", she replied curtly, pretending to scroll through her own new iPhone in order to avoid his gaze.

John took a bite of his sandwich before hitting the home button on his phone. "Siri, what was the final game score of the Dallas Cowboys game last night?"

A moment later the phone responded. _"Dallas edged Tampa Bay by a score of 16 to 10."_

John grinned. "I told ya she was smart."

Cameron completely ignored him. He did however notice she was hitting icons on her phone with just her middle finger.

"Well, I don't trust it," Sarah said. "I told you, I don't think you should use it. I don't care what the moron "genius" at the store said. If it's that 'smart', then it might become Skynet some day."

John rolled his eyes and sighed. "Mom, we've already been over this. It's not Skynet. It's simple voice recognition."

"Is it 'smart', or is it 'simple'? And how do you know what it's _really_ capable of? Andy Goode's Turk was just a 'simple' computer that played Chess. "

"Fine." John huffed. "If you're so concerned, why don't we just ask her then?" He pressed the button and waited for the beep. "Siri, are you Skynet?"

It took a few moments for the phone to respond. _"I can't answer that, Oh Great One,"_ it said.

His eyebrows lifted in surprise. "Probably a default answer because it doesn't understand the word 'Skynet'" he muttered. He tapped the phone against his chin for a moment, then smiled and asked another question. "Are you going to take over the world?"

_"No comment."_

John stared at the phone in shock. "How does a cell phone plead the 5th?"

Sarah just stared at him, wondering where she went wrong with her son.

"It's stupid, that's why," Cameron muttered, as she tapped her screen and easily annihilated several pigs with one bird.

"I thought you were ignoring me." He chewed on his bologna and cheese for several moments, watching his cyborg calculate Angry Bird trajectories with perfect accuracy. He swallowed and whispered into his phone. "Ask Cameron, 'Are you jealous?'"

_"Here's your message to Cameron. Are you ready to send, Oh Great One?"_

"Yes, please," he responded with unnecessary politeness. He watched as his message interrupted Cameron's game.

Without looking his way, she pressed her own Home button. "Ask John 'Are you suicidal?'"

Stunned, John blinked several times. "Siri, ask Cameron... 'Is that a threat?'"

Cameron waited for her phone to buzz before replying. "That depends. How much of that sandwich have you eaten?"

He looked dubiously at his half eaten sandwich before carefully peeling off the top piece of bread to inspect its contents.

Derek stood in the kitchen doorway, staring at his own phone in consternation after having watched the entire battle. "How come mine don't talk to me?"

"Because you have a Crapberry. You weren't cool enough for an iPhone," John answered off-handedly, as he picked apart the bologna and lettuce to inspect the cheese.

"Says the dude having an argument with his cyborg girlfriend through a third party artificial intelligence," his uncle muttered.

Frustrated, he smashed the sandwich back together and glared at Cameron. "What did you do to my sandwich?"

Cameron finally looked at him and gave him her most convincing human smile, which didn't comfort him at all. In fact, it made him nervous. "Why don't you ask Siri?" she said, her voice overly sweet.

John stared back at her in silence. Realizing he was out of options and residing in a self-dug proverbial ditch, he sighed and slowly held out his beloved iPhone to his uncle. "Trade you."

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**a/n: yes, they're legit Siri responses. I asked. **


End file.
